The Self-sabotage Cycle: Why We Repeat Behaviors That Create Hardships and Ruin Relationships

A 12-year-old boy vows he will never do to his future family what his father did by leaving the boy, his sister and mother. Yet, 30 years later, the boy now a man leaves his own family. A young woman who’s broken off an abusive relationship is now attracted to the same kind of personality in a potential boyfriend. And an attorney who grew up with an impossible-to-please father takes a job in a firm where the boss thinks praise is never productive. These are the kind of repetitive cycles that Stanley Rosner has seen time and again in his practice across 40 years as a clinical psychologist. A past president of the Connecticut Psychological Association, Rosner examines in this book whether there is for some people a compulsion to repeat self-destructive acts, and what the foundation for that compulsion might be, as well as how it can be changed to afford better, happier living.

Assisted by popular author Patricia Hermes, Rosner offers many eye-opening vignettes from his therapy rooms, showing us clearly how early life events can create unconscious dilemmas that move us to repeat the situation in other forms. He aims to show us how we can resolve the issues that linger, explaining how to recognize these issues, then move forward to put them to rest in ways that are not self-sabotaging. What I have to offer, says Rosner, is the opportunity for change.

Stanley Rosner, Ph.D., is a Clinical Psychologist who has been in private practice for 40 years. He is a staff member in the Department of Psychiatry at Bridgeport Hospital, an adjunct medical staff member in the Department of Psychiatry at Norwalk Hospital, and a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, the National Academy of Neuropsychologists, the Society for Personality Assessment, and the Connecticut Psychological Association. He has served as President of the Connecticut Psychological Association and President of the Connecticut Society of Psychoanalytic Psychologists.

Patricia Hermes is a Connecticut-based author whose work includes 40 novels for young readers. Her awards for her books include the Smithsonian Notable Book, the C.S. Lewis Honor Book, the California Young Reader Medal and the New York Library Best Book for the Teen Years Award.